The Tape
by skittlesxrayn
Summary: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. Emma starts pouring her heart in to it. Will it help? Or will it destroy her more? 14 chapters up. PemmaJemma
1. Day 1 and Day 2

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

Mainly, Emma's the only character. There are random flashbacks with different characters. This story is written as if there's actually a video camera recording. Anything else, is flashbacks, which are_ italics. _

**The Tape**

**Day 1**

_Wednesday_

Emma sat in her empty basement bedroom. She was sitting in the middle of her bed, staring at the video camera she had just set up. She held the remote in her hand and hit the small red, record button. She shifted on her bed awkwardly. Emma looked down at her bed spread, then sighed, looking back up. She looked right in to the lens, and spoke.

"I'm Emma Christine Nelson. I'm seventeen years old. My therapist thought this," she gestured to the camera, "would help. I'm suppose to talk about my feelings or whatever." She rolled her eyes, "I'm tired of doing that. I wanted the feeling of control, back in my life. So, I decided to control what I ate and what I didn't. I controlled if I actually kept any food in my system. It was comforting." She took a deep breath, "The old Emma would have never became a statistic. The old Emma would have never lost control in the first place." She picked at her finger nails, "Truth is, the old Emma, died along with Rick Murray, in that hallway. Things haven't been the same since then. Since the day Sean Cameron saved my life. Since the day a boy was killed because of me."

She closed her eyes, fighting back tears. She slowly opened them, "So, this is my story, on tape. Live and uncut. This is the story of a girl, trying to find her way back. The story of a girl, trying to escape the screaming inside her head." She smiled softly and hit stop. She sighed and fell backwards on to her bed, looking up at the ceiling.

**Day 2**

_Thursday_

Emma got home from a long day at school. She taped a piece of paper to the basement door that read: Recording. Don't bother me. She dropped her bag by the stairs and sat on her bed. She hit the on button and then record, "Well, another long boring day at school. Ok, I'm lying. It wasn't boring, it was torture. It's still hard to be around all that food. It's disgusting at times." She looked around her room, wondering why she actually just admitted that out loud. She looked back to the camera, "I lied to myself for so long. I would tell myself, over and over that I didn't have a problem. I thought I could stop. It just started spiraling out of control. It became a game. Food vs. Me. I wanted to be the winner." She rolled her eyes, "Surprisingly, that isn't the stupidest thing I've done. After the shooting, I started going down to the Ravine. The Ravine is where the stoners, druggies and any low life scum would go to party...And to hook up."She sighed, "Let's just say, I wasn't there to party. I was probably the only one there who was sober while hooking up. Does that make me worse than them? I was already so numb from life, I didn't need the drugs or alcohol to numb me any farther."

Emma played with the bracelets on her wrist. The ones she had received from Jay. She looked down at them, "It was a game there too. With prizes. One bracelet for each time you hook up. And if you're lucky, you get a lovely bonus." Each word dripped with sarcasm. She looked back at the camera, "Along with the bracelet, you get a social disease. Which disease did I get? Gonorrhea." She sighed, "I could sit here, blaming Jay Hogart for it. But, I was there too. He wasn't the only one in the van. He didn't know he had it. Yeah, he shouldn't have been cheating on his girlfriend and I shouldn't have been helping him." She ran her fingers through her hair, "Why am I defending him?"


	2. Day 3 and Day 4

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

Mainly, Emma's the only character. There are random flashbacks with different characters. This story is written as if there's actually a video camera recording. Anything else, is flashbacks, which are_ italics. _

**The Tape**

**Day 3**

_Friday_

Emma walked down to her room and took her spot in the middle of the bed. She hit record. "I remembered that I haven't said anything about my home life or my friends. So, I'm going to now." She took a deep breath, "I live with my mom, Christine or Spike. For about 13 years, it was just her and me. Then, I started at Degrassi and she was reunited with an old crush from high school, Snake. Who just happened to be my Media Immersion teacher. At first, I was totally disgusted at the idea. Then, I saw how happy he made my mom. So, I accepted it. They soon got married and the day before her wedding, Mom found out she was pregnant. She wasn't going to tell him. She was either going to have an abortion or just leave Snake and it would be Mom, me and in 9 months, a baby. I'm happy to say, she didn't go with either of those ideas and now I have a little brother, Jack who is 3 years old." She smiled the first sincere smile in a year. "A few months ago, my best friend, Manny moved in. Her father is very strict and she got caught trying to get plastic surgery. He kicked her out and she came to live here. There's not much to say about Manny. We've had a bumpy friendship, but in the end, we're there for each other."

Emma sat in silence for a minute and then bit her bottom lip, "I saw Jay today. I was walking home and there he was, sitting on the hood of his annoyingly bright orange civic. I tried to pretend I didn't notice him, but after I walked by him, he slid off his car and started walking with me."

Flashback

_Emma's walking by Jay's car and he starts walking next to her. She pretends like she doesn't notice him and keeps walking. Jay sighs, "Still hate me I'm guessing."_

_Emma looks straight ahead and says quietly, "I never hated you. I just hate what happened and you just happen to be apart of what happened."_

_Jay glances over at her and shoves his hands in his pockets, looking down, "I talked to Sean. He knows. Ellie told him."_

_Emma shrugs, "I don't care. Everyone knows anyway, I don't care if he knows."_

_Jay stops walking and grabs her arm gently, bringing her brisk walk to a halt, "How are you? I heard about..."_

_She looks at him and studies his face, to try to see if he actually cares. "The truth? I've been better. A lot better. But, I'm working on that."_

_Jay smiles softly, "That's good. Toronto needs their Green Peace back."_

_Emma smiles and lets out a soft laugh at her old nickname, "I haven't heard that name in a really long time. I kind of miss it."_

"_Well, I'll be sure to call you it whenever I see you."_

"_Good. I have to get home. I'll talk to you later." She gives him a small hug and he, shockingly, hugs back, "Stay out of trouble Jay."_

_Jay smiles, "I'll try."_

_Emma walks away._

End Flashback

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I thought he would try and get me to go back down to the Ravine.

But, he didn't. He was nice. He cared." She sighs, "I haven't spoken to Sean since the day he went back to Wasaga." She lets out a short laugh, "First time I skipped school, I went to find someone. Second time, I lost someone." She hit the stop button.

**Day 4**

_Saturday_

Emma is walking the path to get to the Ravine. Camera and tripod in hand. It was an early Saturday morning, she knew no one would be there. She walks to a picnic table and sets up the tripod, placing the camera carefully on top. She sits on the table and hits the record button, after looking around a few times to make sure no one was around. She flashes a fake smile at the camera, "I didn't feel like being locked up in the basement today. It's getting too nice out to hang out inside. So, I took my little session to the Ravine." She looks around, "Different during the day. I use to come here in grade nine and pick up the trash. At night, there's music, bonfires, kegs, smoke..." She trailed off, sighing. She looked over to her left, "The van is gone or maybe it's only here at night. I don't even know if that thing worked or not. I don't know who it belonged to. Didn't think to ask I guess. Too busy going down on Jay." She laughs at her own stupid joke.

"Manny asked if she could watch this tape. I told her no. She got kind of upset and stormed away mumbling something about us being best friends and that we're suppose to tell each other everything." She shrugs, "I guess I just want something that actually stays a secret. I don't know what privacy is anymore. Is it that my own fault? Or the fault of others? Mine, I guess. Others wouldn't know if I didn't say anything. Then again, some secrets people just find out. Few people know about my father." She stares off in to the bushes for a minutes, the looks back, "Before my mom had Jack, I went in search for my father. I was told he was a doctor. So, I searched for a Dr. Shane McKay. I found one. I skipped school with Craig and went to his house. It wasn't him. He was black." She chuckles, "Then Craig and I searched Snake's computer, and found him." She sighed, "He wasn't a doctor, but a patient. After my mom had me, Shane took acid and either fell or jumped off a bridge. No one is sure and it's not like we can ask him. He doesn't remember. He remembered me though, but only has baby Emma." She shrugs, "I write to him and visit him occasionally. It's weird, but comforting. He doesn't judge me because he doesn't think there are any bad things in the world. I wish I could think like that."

She stops again, hearing rustling coming from the woods. A few moments later, Jay steps out. He looks shocked to see her there. She debates hitting the stop button, then decides against it. He slowly walks over, not sure if she's ok with it. She smiles softly and he sits next to her on the table.

"What are you doing?" He asks, curious.

"Therapy." She says quickly.

"Talking to yourself is therapy? I thought they put people away for that." He jokes.

Emma smiles and rolls her eyes, "I'm not talking to myself." She thinks for a minute, "Ok, well I guess I am. It's called video therapy. I don't like talking about things to strangers. A camera can't judge me."

"Why don't you just talk to Santos?"

"It's not the same. She doesn't like listening to my problems when she has Craig on the brain, which is all the time. Everything has to be about her."

He nods, "Yeah, I kinda figured she was that kind of girl." He looks at her, "Want me to go? So you can finish."

She hesitates, then shakes her head, "You can stay, as long as you don't mind that I keep the camera going."

He looks over at the camera and sees the red light still on, "Guess I should have looked to see if it was recording."

"Sorry."

He shakes his head, "It's ok. I just don't know what I'm suppose to say."

She laughs, "You don't have to say anything. We can just talk. About anything. I promise no one will see the tape."

He smiles, "Alright."

They sit in silence for a minute, then Jay looks down at his shoes and back up to her, "I missed you, you know." He mentally slaps himself for sounding lame.

Emma blushes a little, "Sure it isn't the blow jobs that you miss?"

He's taken back by how easily that just came out of her mouth. "It wasn't like that."

She raises an eyebrow and looks at him, "Then, tell me, what was it like?"

"We talked. It wasn't just about the hooking up. Yeah, the hooking up part was nice, but we could actually keep a conversation."

She nods, "Yeah, I never thought that would happen. Well, I never thought any of that would happen. You were always such an ass."

"I'm not like that. Well, I am, but it's like a mask. I don't like letting anyone in, you know what I mean? When I do, either I mess things up or the other person leaves."

She sighs, "I know exactly what you mean."

Jay cracks his knuckles, a small nervous habit of his, "Remember when you asked if I thought you were weird?"

She laughs, "Yeah, I remember. You said I was "no weirder than the rest of us"."

"And you told me that everyone thought you belonged in a straight jacket."

She nods, "Yeah. Why did you bring that up?"

Jay shrugs, "I just wanted to tell you, that you're not. And you don't. You're the strongest peeson I've ever met. And knowing that you've made mistakes, is kind of comforting."

"How is it comforting?"

"I always thought you were perfect. I never thought you could anything wrong. It just shows that no one is perfect. Maybe, you need to see that." He leans over and kisses her softly, then gets up, "See you around Green Peace."

Emma sits in shock as she watches him walk away. She turned to the camera and hit the stop button on the remote.


	3. Day 5 and Day 6

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

Mainly, Emma's the only character. There are random flashbacks with different characters. This story is written as if there's actually a video camera recording. Anything else, is flashbacks, which are_ italics. _

**The Tape**

**Day 5**

_Sunday_

Emma's in her room, sitting in the middle of her bed. It's late at night and Manny is sleeping. She hits record, "I've been avoiding Jay like the Black Plaque. He kissed me. He actually kissed me." She sighs and looks over at a sleeping Manny. "I don't need the stress of a guy. I'm in the works of de-stressing myself of everything else." She bites her lip, nervously, "And well...I have a boyfriend. If you can even call him that. It's been weird since I got out of the hospital. Once again, I have people feeling like they have to walk on eggshells around me. I guess that shows he cares, but I either want a guy who isn't going to treat me like I'll break and will understand that it's going to take time for me to recover, or I don't want a guy at all." She plays with a few strands of hair, "Truth is, Peter is more like a brother now. It's totally platonic. He doesn't kiss me or anything." She sighs, "I sound superficial. He's my boyfriend though, I want to kiss him and have him wrap his arms around me while we watch a movie." She laughs softly, "I think I liked it better when we were hiding our relationship. He's the first guy who has showed an interest in me since the whole Jay thing." She flattens out the invisible creases on her bedspread, "Jay seems to play a major part of things I think about. He's always been there. Sean and I broke up, because of Jay. Sean went back to Wasaga, because of Jay. Guys lose interest in me, because of Jay. Jay, Jay, Jay."

As if on cue, there was a tap on her window. Emma gets off her bed, leaving the camera on and walks to the window. All you can here is the faint sounds of voices.

"Hello?" Emma asks nervously.

"Green Peace."

The sound of the window opening is heard and the sound of sneakers hitting the cement quietly echos through the basement.

"Jay? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to say, sorry. For yesterday. I shouldn't have kissed you."

Emma's sigh is heard faintly, "It's ok."

"Recording again?"

"Yeah, I have to. Every day."

More footsteps are heard across the basement. Jay stands in view of the camera. Emma slowly appears.

"Spinner, told me that you're with that Peter guy."

Emma nods, "Yeah, but it's kind of complicated right now."

Jay raises an eyebrow, "Why?"

She shrugs, "With everything that's going on. It isn't the same anymore." Emma feels her eyes getting watery. She fights back tears, not sure why all of sudden she wants to cry.

Jay notices, "You ok?"

She laughs softly "Now, that's a loaded question." She walks closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, "I just want this to all be over with."

Jay puts his arms around her waist, "Gotta give it time."

She buries her face in his chest.

Jay kisses the top of her head.

Emma looks up at him, "This is going to sound incredibly stupid...Stay the night? At least until I fall asleep?"

Jay smiles softly and nods, "Sleeping beauty won't wake up?"

Emma shrugs, "I don't know, but I don't really care anymore." She pulls away from him and gets in to bed.

Jay sits on the edge of the bed, taking his shoes off. He pulls off his jacket and lays down next to her.

Emma rolls on to her side, facing him. She cuddles in to him, "Thanks Jay," she whispers softly.

He drapes an arm protectively around her, "Don't worry about it." He kisses her forehead, "Night."

She yawns, "Night Jay."

He smiles and picks up the remote for the camera and hits stop.

**Day 6**

_Monday_

Emma rushes home from school and runs down to her room. She jumps on her bed and hits the record button, "Jay was gone when I woke up. There was no trace of him at all. I guess that's a good thing. If Manny or my parents found him in my bed, it would have been Drama City." She smiles, "I had the best sleep. He was a total gentleman. However, it was hard facing Peter today. I felt like I had wronged him in some way. I guess I did though. Sleeping in another boy's arms...Is that cheating? Is enjoying that small little kiss Jay gave me the other day, cheating?" She sighed, "I felt safe. Safe in Jay Hogart's arms. Maybe that's why Alex was with him for so long. Maybe he made her feel safe. I know she doesn't have the greatest home life. So, Jay might have made that easier? I could picture him, sneaking in to her house, laying next to her and wrapping his arms around her, whispering to her that everything will be ok." She frowns, "I don't like that thought. I want to believe he's only done that to me. Damn it, now I'm jealous of a girl who isn't even with him anymore. She's seen the real him...They've had sex." She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, slowly opening her eyes again, "How can I be attracted to him? I'm with Peter. For now on, I'm all about Peter." She turns off the camera.


	4. Day 7 and Day 8

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

Mainly, Emma's the only character. There are random flashbacks with different characters. This story is written as if there's actually a video camera recording. Anything else, is flashbacks, which are_ italics. _

**The Tape**

**Day 7**

_Tuesday_

Emma's sitting on a bench at the park. She just finished setting up the camera. She hits record, "It's Tuesday. School let out a few hours ago. Graduation is Friday. Finally going to be in grade twelve. This time next year, I'll be preparing to leave DCS." She sighs, "It's never felt so far away. One year left, and I feel like I still have a decade to get there. Could it be that I'm scared to move on? To finally be rid of high school? Possibly. Or is it that I haven't done most things a teenager my age should do? I've never touched alcohol. Well, ok, I did once when Peter spiked the punch at the Jay and Silent Bob, Go Canadian, eh move premiere. That doesn't really count. I didn't feel any effects of the alcohol. I've never smoked a cigarette or weed. I'm still a virgin. I don't want to graduate next year if I haven't done anything. I want to leave that school with a bang. But, how can I do that if I'm trying to get back to the old me? The whole point of this video therapy is to get my old life back. To figure out things. Can I still save the environment and party?" She shrugs, "I guess there's only one way to find out. Am I willing to go that far? Am I willing to risk everything again? Can I live each day as if it was my last, while still having stability?" She smiles, "I think it's worth a shot."

**Day 8**

_Wednesday_

Emma is back in her room, this time sitting at her desk, "So, today Peter and I went to The Dot. It was nice. I had half of a veggie burger and we split a small basket of fries. He didn't look at me weird when I said I was full. He smiled at me. I think he finally gets that he can't force me to eat and that I will eat, but I'm not going to stuff my face." She smiles, "I think things are finally going back to normal. Now, do I welcome this normal with open arms? Or do I let Peter down gently and tell him a relationship isn't really what I want right now? Am I only second guessing my relationship with Peter because Jay is back in my life?" She lets out an aggravated sigh, "Boys complicate things. All the time."

"I should just be single. Figure things out and then decide what I want. I can have friends that are guys and have a little fun every now and then, right? Then, I would be labeled a slut. I don't get how guys can have sex with every girl they meet and they're called a pimp. Yet, if a girl does that, she's a slut. Society is messed up at times."


	5. Day 9 and Day 10

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

Mainly, Emma's the only character. There are random flashbacks with different characters. This story is written as if there's actually a video camera recording. Anything else, is flashbacks, which are_ italics. _

**The Tape**

**Day 9**

_Thursday_

Emma's sitting on a picnic table at the Ravine, during lunch time. She hits record as she picks at a salad, "Hello my friend. Today, a lot of things have happened." A playful smile appears on her face, "Ok, I'm lying!" She laughs, "It's the last Thursday of school. Tomorrow, graduation. I'm going, though I don't know why. I'm not really friends with any one graduating. I guess, I'm going to see what it'll be like." She picks at her salad some more, "This salad, is gross. The lettuce is all damp, not crunchy like it should be." She closes up the container and pushes it aside, "Our little secret."

She takes a deep breath, looking around, "Here's another secret: I'm hoping Jay comes by here." She sighs, "I like our meetings. I haven't seen him since Sunday. Did I scare him?" She rolls her eyes, "This is pathetic. All I want to talk about is Jay. Jay, Jay, Jay." She hits stop.

**Day 10**

_Friday_

Emma is sitting in the middle of her bed, still wearing what she wore to the graduation. She fumbles with the remote and hits record, "Oh my god," she says, out of breath. "I just got back from the graduation. Alex came up to me. Jay's Alex. I was talking with Manny and she just walked over, asking if she could talk to me." She takes a deep breath, "So, I said ok. I told Manny I would meet up with her and Craig later."

Flashback

_Emma walks away from Manny and follows Alex to a less crowded area. Alex turns and faces Emma, but doesn't say anything._

_Emma eyes Alex nervously, "What did you want to talk about?"_

_Alex sighs, "I'm not one to help an ex boyfriend who cheated on me and gave me a STD, but..."_

_Emma shifts her weight from one leg to another, "This is about Jay?"_

_Alex nods, "We're friends now. We...I put the past aside. He told me about you."_

"_What about me?"_

"_He told me that you were one of the girls, from the Ravine." She laughs, "Never would have thought you were apart of that whole thing."_

"_I wasn't apart of it...I only went --"_

_Alex cuts h er off, "It doesn't matter. He told me about the night he stayed at your house. I thought for sure he was going to say you two had sex. When he didn't, I knew this was serious. He likes you Emma."_

_Emma smiles, holding in her excitement, "Really?" She shakes her head, "I mean, it doesn't matter. I have a boyfriend."_

"_Yeah, porno boy. Jay told me about him too. How can you date a guy who filmed your best friend flashing the goods?"_

_Emma raises an eyebrow, "How did you not notice that you're boyfriend was cheating on you with half the school?"_

_Alex smirks, "Jay cheated on me. That all happened while we were together. Then, I dumped him. Your boyfriend, did that before you guys got together."_

"_Whatever. Are you done?"_

"_No, meet Jay at the park tonight at 11." Alex turns around and walks away._

_Emma sighs and walks home._

End Flashback

"He likes me. Jay likes me." She smiles wide, "I don't know if I should meet him or not. I probably shouldn't, right?" She thinks for a minute, "I'm going. I'll meet him and it'll all go ok. I'll tell him that I'm with Peter and that we can be friends." She wasn't believing a word she was saying. "I'll keep you posted!" She hits stop.

------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, so this update kinda sucked. I didn't mean for this to be a Jemma. Though, right now it's still a Pemma...I think I'll have to make some more twists to turn it away from being a Jemma. **Reviewing is nice.**


	6. Day 11

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

Mainly, Emma's the only character. There are random flashbacks with different characters. This story is written as if there's actually a video camera recording. Anything else, is flashbacks, which are_ italics. _

**The Tape**

**Day 11**

_Saturday_

"I went. I went to the park and met Jay. It's still pretty late." She looks down at her watch, "It's 6 in the morning and I'm still trying to make sense of what just happened. One minute I'm telling Jay that I'm with Peter, but me and him can be friends." She sighs, "The next..."

Flashback

_Emma walks to the park and looks around for Jay. She spots him sitting on a bench near the swings. She walks over and sits next to him, "Hi," she says quielty._

_Jay smiles, "Hey. I didn't think you would come."_

"_Honestly, I didn't think I would either."_

"_Why not?"_

_She looks at him, "Because I'm with Peter, Jay. I just came to tell you that and that you and me can still be friends."_

_Jay frowns, "Friends?"_

_Emma nods, "Yes. I'm sorry if I led you on."_

"_You didn't. I guess I just hoped you...I thought you felt the same way I did."_

"_Jay, I haven't known what I feel in over a year."_

"_Then how do you know you want to be with Peter and not with me?"_

"_Being with you was never an option Jay." _

_Jay takes his hat off and runs his fingers through his hair, "Well, it's an option now. If you want it to be."_

_Emma watches him and bites her bottom lip. She wants to kiss him, "No, Jay. It's not an option. I still have a boyfriend."_

_He sighs, "Yeah, I know that Emma."_

_She looks down at her shoes and asks quietly, "Why is it, when I'm with you I suddenly feel like I'm no longer drowning in stress?"_

_He shrugs, "No idea, but it could be a sign."_

_She laughs, "I don't believe in signs or fate."_

_He looks over at her, "Why not?"_

"_Because I believe that people make their own destinies. We decided to go right or left. We decide when we speak and when we don't. Do you think fate made Rick bring the gun to school that day? No, Rick did." She sounds angry, but that's not how she meant to sound._

_He lowers his head, "If he didn't, then you and me would have stayed enemies. I'm sorry for everything that happened that day, but I'm not sorry that it brought us together."_

_Emma stands up, "Nothing brought us together Jay. We're not together."_

_He looks up at her, "You know what I mean."_

_She rolls her eyes, "Whatever. Coming here was a mistake. I just wanted to tell you that we're friends. That's it. Alright?"_

_He stands a few inches in front of her. She feels his breath on her skin. All she wants to do is run, but she can't. She stares at him, their eyes locking. He slowly runs his hand down her arm, stopping at her wrist. He wraps his fingers around her thin wrist, stepping closer to her. Emma holds her breath and leans her face closer to his. He follows her lead and leans in. Their lips meet in a soft kiss. Emma brings her arms up and wraps them around his neck. Jay pulls her to him and holds her close. The kiss deepens as the sound of a twig snapping is heard and they pull apart._

_Jay stands in front of Emma, protecting her, "Hey, buddy. We don't want any problems."_

_Emma looks over Jay's shoulder and gasps, "insert name here ?"_

_

* * *

_Alright, readers. Time for a poll. Should it be Peter or Sean? I want at least 7 votes on this, that way it can't be a tie. I won't start writing the next chapter until I have 7 votes from 7 different people.


	7. Day 11, cont

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

Mainly, Emma's the only character. There are random flashbacks with different characters. This story is written as if there's actually a video camera recording. Anything else, is flashbacks, which are_ italics. _

**The Tape**

**Day 11**

_Saturday_

continued

_Jay stands in front of Emma, protecting her, "Hey, buddy. We don't want any problems."_

_Emma looks over Jay's shoulder and gasps, "Peter?"_

_Peter walks closer to them, sighing, "What are you doing here Em? With him? Or better yet, can you tell me why you're kissing the STD king?"_

_Emma steps forward, "Don't call him that Peter. I was kissing him, because..." She looks at Jay, not sure what she should say._

_Jay clears his throat, "I kissed her."_

_Peter laughs, "Yeah and she was kissing you back."_

"_Peter, I'm sorry. I got caught in the moment. It didn't mean anything. Right, Jay?" She looks in Jay's eyes, pleading him with._

_Jay nods slowly, "Yeah, it didn't mean anything."_

_Peter looks back and forth at the two of them, knowing they're lying, "Is this why you ditched me tonight? So, you could have meaningless kiss with him?"_

_Emma looks at him confused, "I didn't ditch you."_

"_Yes, you did. Remember, I asked if you wanted to crash one of the grad parties tonight. You said yes."_

'_Shit,' Emma thinks to herself. She forgot. She was too caught up in her little late night meeting with the guy who wasn't her boyfriend to remember that she had plans with her boyfriend. "I'm so sorry. I completely forgot. I went for a walk...And I decided to go through the park. Then I ran in to Jay."_

_Jay laughs softly, going along with it, "More like walked in to me. I told her she shouldn't be out alone this late."_

_Peter looks at Jay, disgusted by the sight of him, "And then you decided to kiss her?"_

_Emma sighs, "It's not that big of a deal Peter. It was one kiss. I told you, it meant nothing. You're my boyfriend, not him."_

"_Then why would you be kissing him? He's a bottom feeder, Em. He uses girls when they're at their weakest."_

_Emma gets angry, stepping closer to him, "What about you? I believe it was you who filmed my best friend flashing her tits when she was drunk. Then, sent it to the whole school because she wouldn't go on a date with you!"_

"_I thought you forgave me for that! You said it was in the past!"_

"_Yeah, and guess what? I forgave Jay, too. He didn't know he had a STD. It was an accident! But, you...You knew Manny was drunk. I think you're just jealous that Jay doesn't have to find girls who are so wasted that they can't comprehend what they're doing!"_

_Peter brings his hand back to slap her, but is stopped by Jay grabbing his arm._

_Jay shakes his head, "I don't think so."_

_He pulls his arm away, "Why don't you mind your own business."_

_Jay laughs, loudly, "Are we in first grade now? Gonna run to mommy and tell her that the big bad Jay just stopped you from hitting your girlfriend?"_

_Peter pushes him, catching Jay off guard. Jay loses his balance, but quickly finds his footing. He was about to punch him, but pushed him back instead. Peter attempts to stand his ground, but fails. He stumbles back a few feet and then charges at Jay, tackling him to the ground. _

_Emma steps back, watching the juvenile behavior. The guy who has been on her mind constantly, was defending her. Her boyfriend, was losing the battle. She caught a glimpse of Peter's face, blood dripped down from his lip and his eyebrow. Jay on the other hand, only had a fat lip. _

_Jay and Peter were rolling on the ground, throwing punches at each other. Jay pins Peter down with one hand and punches him in the stomach. Peter lets out a groan and kicks Jay off. Jay gets to his feet and runs back to Peter, getting stopped by Emma._

_Emma grabs Jay's arm, "Stop. He's not worth it. Just take me home, please?"_

_Peter slowly stands up, wiping away blood._

_Jay straightens out his shirt, "Ever raise a hand to a girl again, especially Emma and you're gonna be hurting a lot worse."_

_Jay starts walking towards the parking lot, Emma walking beside him. She stops and turns around, "Oh and just in case you didn't know, the second you raised your hand to hit me, we broke up."_

_Peter smirks and walks over to her, "You think I want to be with a slut?"_

_Emma steps back, his breath reeking of alcohol, "Jesus, Peter. Drink much?"_

"_Now you care! Shouldn't you have cared about me before you decided to kiss someone else?"_

_She shakes her head and screams at him, "I did care! Don't ever say I didn't. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have went behind Manny's back to date you. I would have listened to everyone saying you were a sick, perverted momma's boy. I cared enough to put my friendship with the only one who has ever been there for me, on the line."_

_He looks at her sadly, "Then tell me why would you be alone, in a park, kissing him?"_

_She sighs, "I didn't plan on kissing him. I came here to tell him that we could only be friends because I was with you."_

"_Why would it matter? You haven't spoken to him in how long and now you decide that you have to tell him you guys can only be friends?"_

"_I've been talking to him for almost two weeks now, Peter. I was walking one day and he stopped me. We started talking. He's the only one who doesn't look at me with pity in his eyes."_

_He steps closer to her, reaching a hand out, "And I do? I've been trying to help you. I want you to get better, Em. I want you to be healthy. I love you."_

_Emma moves away from him, "Listen to yourself. Every other word from your mouth is I. I have to get better for myself! Not for you so that you can sleep better at night. What about me? All my life I've cared more about the environment and about everyone else, but never me. I'm sorry Peter, but we're over. I can't do this anymore. I really hoped that we could work out." She sighs, "Sometimes, you need more than hope for things to work." She takes one last look at him and turns around. She walks back to Jay, who put a comforting arm around her. _

End Flashback

Emma lets out deep breath, "After we left the park, we went to Jay's. We just talked. Avoiding the subject of Peter." She frowns, "I can't believe he would ever think of hitting me. I didn't think he would ever do that. He just didn't seem like that type of a guy. Maybe it was because he was drinking?" She shakes her head, "No, I'm not going to defend him. Drinking or not, he still wanted to hit me." She smiles softly, "Jay fought for me.He stopped Peter. We're still friends, I guess. We didn't really talk about that. Which is good, because I don't think I could handle breaking up with Peter and then a discussion with Jay about us dating." She yawns, "I really have to get to bed. You'll see me tomorrow, as always. Night." She waves to the camera and then hits stop.

* * *

I decided it should be Peter. I got 5 votes...I think? And I wanted to update. So, I flipped a coin. 


	8. Day 12

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

Mainly, Emma's the only character. There are random flashbacks with different characters. This story is written as if there's actually a video camera recording. Anything else, is flashbacks, which are_ italics. _

**The Tape**

**Day 12**

_Sunday_

Emma is sitting on her bed still in her pajamas. Her hair is pulled back in to a very messy bun and yesterday's make up is still visible. The camera has been recording her silence for close to 5 minutes now. She's been trying to sort out her thoughts on last night's events. She opens her mouth to say something, but quickly closes it. She hears foot steps on the floor above her, then the sound of door opening echos through the silent room. The old steps squeak quietly as someone walks down the stairs. Emma directions her attention to the person.

"Em, what are you doing?"

"You should know by now."

Manny sits on the bed next to her, "Oh, yes. Video therapy. How's that whole thing going."

Emma shrugs, "Better than other things."

"What other things?" Manny asks curiously.

"Well, like Peter and me or Jay and me."

"Wait, Jay? And what's wrong with you and Peter?"

Emma sighs, "Peter and I are over. We broke up, last night."

"I'm sorry hun. But, how does Jay factor in to any of this?"

"Well, Peter sort of caught us kissing." Emma holds up a hand to silence Manny, who was about to interrupt her, "It was just an innocent kiss. It didn't mean anything. I think."

"You think? Shouldn't you know? I mean, you can tell if a kiss meant something."

"Well, I would know if Peter hadn't shown up. Jay kicked his ass."

Manny laughs, "Why?"

"Peter went to hit me and Jay stopped him."

"Peter doesn't seem like the violent type though Em."

"He also didn't seem like the type to record a drunken you flashing your breasts."

Manny nods, "Good point. So, have you talked to Jay since this all happened?"

"Yeah, I went to his house afterwards. And stop giving me that look. Nothing happened."

"You want me to believe that you went to Jay's house and nothing happened?"

Emma nods, "Yes because that's the truth. I swear. He was totally un-Jay. It was nice."

Manny holds back a laugh, "Oh my god."

Emma looks at her confused, "What?"

She smiles wide, "You are totally crushing on Jay."

Emma blushes, "I am not. He's just a friend."

"Usually you don't blush over someone who is 'just a friend'."

She rolls her eyes, "Whatever, Manny."

Manny gets off the bed, "Oh, by the way, Jay's outside."

Emma jumps up, almost knocking the camera to the floor, "WHAT! Are you serious? Oh my god, Manny. If you're joking I'm going to kill you!"

Manny smirks, "Admit it. You are head over heels for that boy. And I'm not joking. He's waiting outside. For you." Manny disappears from the cameras view and her footsteps once again echo through the room.

Emma looks at the camera, that is now slightly slanted, "He's here. And I look horrible." She smiles and turns off the camera.

---------------------------

Sorry this took so long. I forgot all about it. I know it's short. I'll try to write more later.


	9. Cut to the future Day 73

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

Mainly, Emma's the only character. There are random flashbacks with different characters. This story is written as if there's actually a video camera recording. Anything else, is flashbacks, which are_ italics. _

**The Tape**

**(Skipping to the last Friday before school starts, August 25, 2006)**

**Day 73**

_Friday_

Emma sat on a blanket at the park, camera in front of her on the tripod. Her hair was longer and blonder. She was tanner than she was when school finished. Emma looks around the park, taking in her surroundings with a satisfied smile. She directs her attention back to the camera, "This is really an amazing day. Very quiet and peaceful. I like it. Haven't really had a day like this in a while." She sighs happily, "School starts in a few days. I'm kind of excited. Jay doesn't understand my enthusiasm. Probably because he's afraid I'm going to leave him when I graduate and run away to some university and get a new boyfriend. Which means he's thinking of us in the long term way. I mean, I don't graduate for what 9 months?" She lets out a soft laugh and gets lost in thought.

"As enthused as I am, I'm nervous. I mean, I'm dating Jay Hogart. We've been together since that day he came to my house. Over two months now. People are going to talk. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I can't help. I can hardly eat. I'm nervous, anxious, excited...When I do eat now, I feel sick." She frowns, "I haven't been like this in so long, why now? Things are going so well. This...disorder pushed Peter and I apart, I don't want it to push Jay and I apart. If it continues...I'm going to control it better. Better than I did last time. I'll take vitamins and drink lots of water. I'll have control over it. I won't let it get the better of me. For the sake of my relationship. With school starting, what will I be able to control? What I wear? That's not enough."

She shakes her head, "Why am I saying this? I can't let myself get like that again. I can't. I refuse to. I'm not sick. Why do I still think like this? It's been months!" The last part came out louder than she wanted. She puts her hand over her mouth and looks around, making sure no one noticed. No one seemed to have heard her. She opens her mouth again to speak, but closes it. She has nothing else to say. She turns off the camera.

This whole fic is based on Emma talking to the Camera. However, it's getting a bit tricky. I think I'm going to still have her talk to the camera, but have actually things happen and not just her telling the camera what happened that day.

I'm sorry it's short. I just wanted to get something up.


	10. Day 74

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**  
Summary: **Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

**The Tape**

**Day 74**

_Satuday_

Jay sits in his car waiting for Emma. He drums his fingers on the steering wheel, while humming along to Chevelle's Panic Prone. Growing restless, he throws his head back in to the head rest. Seconds later, Emma steps out of her house, slamming the door shut behind her. She makes her way down to the car, getting in. She kisses Jay on the cheek.

"Please, drive as far away from here as possible."

Jay switches from park to drive and speeds off down the street, "Let me guess, another fight with the folks?"

She nods, tossing her purse in to the backseat, "Of course. When am I not fighting with them? I'm so tired of hearing that I shouldn't be with you. I'm happy. That should make them happy."

Jay puts his hand on her knee, "They'll eventually get over it, Em. Don't worry."

"They're such hypocrites. They don't want me stressed. Yet, they're making me stressed with all this fighting."

Jay smiles, "Any way I can de-stress you?"

She nods and moves closer to him, kissing his neck, "You can let me stay over tonight."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because my mom kicked me out."

"Wow. Must have been pretty bad. What did she say?"

Emma sighs, "Her exact words were 'If you continue to see that boy, you will not be welcome to stay under my roof!' Snake for once was the sane one. He tried to get her to calm down."

"How did that go?"

"She locked herself in the bathroom."

Jay laughs, "So it went well. You can stay. I'll just have to tell my other girlfriends that girlfriend number one is staying over. They may get jealous."

"What are you Hugh Hefner now?"

"No way. Hugh got nothing on me."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"I was expecting to get yelled at for saying my other girlfriends."

"Nope. As long as I'm number one, it's all good."

He smiles and kisses the top of her head, "One and only."

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..

Emma sits on Jay's bed, wearing an oversize t-shirt that said "Booty Hunter". Jay's shirt of course. She set up the camera on the dresser across from the bed. "Jay's in the shower right now. I'm staying the night. My mom kicked me out. Well, not technically I guess. I don't know. We've been fighting since she found out that I'm seeing Jay. It's driving me insane, but I love coming to Jay's." She smiles and fixes the blankets. "We've also been fighting about how much I eat. She claims I don't eat much. How would she even know? When I'm home, she's at work. When she's home, I'm with Jay. I do eat. Jay's mom is a great cook. I just don't eat when I'm not hungry. I'm not making myself sick. I'm maintaining a healthy weight for my age and height. Will she ever just be happy? I swear she just wants me to have something wrong so she can baby me. I don't think she can deal with the fact the I'm growing up. Oh well."

The water heard in the background stops, replaced by wet footsteps. Jay enters the room and closes the door behind him. He jumps on the bed, wearing only a towel. Emma giggles when Jay shakes his head over her, getting her wet. They start to kiss and Jay's towel slowly slides off.

Soon, Emma's shirt and Jay's towel are on the floor, the blankets covering the both of them. Jay kisses Emma's shoulder and she pushes her body against his. He slowly enters her and she lets out a moan. They start to move together, slowly at first. ((ok, use your imaginations. I hate writing sex scenes.))


	11. Day 75

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

**The Tape**

**Day 75**

_Sunday_

Emma wakes up in Jay's arms. She smiles and kisses his chest, before untangling herself from him. She gets out of bed and picks up the shirt that was discarded last night. She throws on a pair of his shorts and goes down to the kitchen. She knows his mother isn't home right now. She helps herself to a bagel and then channel surfs while eating it. After she's done she heads back up to Jay's room. She sits on the edge of the bed and shakes him gently.

"Jay, wake up" she says softly.

He groans, "Five more minutes mom."

Emma smirks, "No Jayson. It's time to get to school. And if you eat all your Cheerios you can wear your big boy underwear today."

Jay opens one eye and then the other, "Big boy underwear?"

Emma shrugged, "I wanted to see if I could get any deep dark secrets out of you."

"Again, I ask, big boy underwear?"

"That's what my mom calls Jack's underwear. It helps to motivate him to use the potty."

"And I need help using the potty?"

"Yes, I think you do."

He pulls her in to bed, "I don't think so. I may need some help getting rid of my morning wood though."

She scrunches up her face, "No way. Boys have cooties."

"You weren't saying that last night." He laughs.

"And what was I saying last night?"

"Well, it was more like moans."

She laughs "No way."

He pulls the covers over them, "I think so."

"I can't help it. You make me moan." She kisses his neck, "The way you move your body," she wraps her leg around his, thrusting her hips forward lightly, "it makes me go crazy."

He bites his lip, "I really hope you're not just teasing me." He runs his hand up her side, lifting up the shirt.

"I would never tease." She giggles and wiggles out of the shorts and letting him pull off the shirt.

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

Emma and Jay walk out of the Dot. Jay's arm is draped over Emma's shoulders and Emma's arm is wrapped around his waist. She laughs at something he says and then they bump in to someone. Emma quickly apologizes and then realizes who it is.

"Peter." She says.

Jay glares at him and Emma rubs her hand over his back.

"Look at the lovely couple." He looks at Jay, smirking, "Here, we have your typical bad boy trying to make good. And then we have," his eyes shift to Emma, looking her up and down, "the wanna be goody two shoes. Tell me, Em, how is the eating disorder?"

Jay steps towards him and Emma holds him back, "It's Emma. And it's much better now, thanks. I think looking at your face everyday was making me sick. In fact, I'm feeling a little sick right now."

"Are you keeping up the STD checks? Gotta be careful with him as a boyfriend. Never know what or who he's doing."

Jay moves to hit him but Emma beat him to it. She let go of Jay and stepped forward, slapping Peter hard across the face, "You don't know anything about him. Keep your big mouth shut."

Peter puts his hand over his cheek, which was quickly swelling up, "Touch me again and you wont know what hit you."

Jay stood between them, raising an eyebrow at him, "Threaten my girlfriend again and you wont know what hit you." His arm drapes back over Emma's neck, "Let's go, Em."

-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-..-

**Recording**

Emma is at her house, sitting on her floor. She's leaning against her bed. "So, I'm home. Snake convinced my mom that Jay really isn't so bad. So, now Jay has to come for dinner some night this week." She had a bunch of tapes in front of her, labeling them. "I had to start a new tape. Which is weird because I think I only recorded like 8 sessions on the last one. I can usually get about 15 to 20 on one tape, depending on the length of each of them." She shrugs, "Oh well. Anyway, Jay and me ran in to Peter today. It wasn't very pretty. I really hope he's not in any of my classes this year. I don't know how I'll be able to face him without Jay." She sighs and puts a tape down, "Well, I have to get to bed. It's pretty late."


	12. Day 79

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

**The Tape**

**Day 79**

_Thursday_

_(Skipping a few days)_

Emma sits at a picnic table outside of school during lunch. She has her laptop in front of her and is typing the rest of her English essay. She doesn't notice her fellow classmates pointing at her and whispering to each other. An email notification pops up on her screen. She double clicks it and reads. It's a video email. She sighs, hoping it wasn't another one of Peter's victims. Curious, she hits play.

_Jay's room is on the screen, with Emma clearly visible on the bed. _

Emma covers her mouth with her hand and looks around. Everyone is still pointing at her. She looks back at the screen.

_Emma's on top of Jay. Only her back is visible, along with Jay's hand moving up and down her body._

Emma's eyes fill up with tears and she slams the laptop shut and shoves it in her messenger bag. She gets up, pulling out her cell phone. She walks quickly away from the school, calling Jay as she walks.

"Hey, Em. Shouldn't you be in class?"

Emma sniffles, "I was at lunch. I need you to pick me up. Now. Please. I'm at the Dot."

"Is everything okay?"

"No. Not at all. Just come get me."

"Yeah. I'm leaving now. Be there in 5."

Emma puts her phone away and sits on the bench in front of the dot. Less than 5 minutes later, Jay's orange civic pulls up in front of her. She stands up and quickly gets in. Jay looks at her and sees the tears in her eyes.

"Babe, why are you crying?"

Emma doesn't respond. Instead, she pulls out her laptop and opens the email. She positions it so that Jay can see it. Jay watches. When it's over, Emma closes it.

"Ok, I'm a little lost. You recorded us, felt bad about it and it made you cry?"

She shook her head, "I didn't record this. Not on purpose anyway. The camera must have been left on the other night."

"That doesn't explain how it got on the internet."

"Someone must have stole my tapes."

"Wouldn't you notice?"

Emma nodded, "Yeah of course. I haven't seen any missing."

"Maybe someone swapped tapes?"

She put her laptop in the backseat and Jay put an arm over her shoulder, "It's going to be ok, Em."

"Yeah, you can say that because you don't go to school. I now have to walk through the hallways while every guy stares at me. And while every girl thinks I'm a slut. Now, I know how Manny felt. This is horrible! What if my dad sees it! Who would do this?" She lets more tears fault and Jay pulls her closer.

"I'll find out. Ok? I'll fix this. And any guy I catch staring at you is going to be bruised the next day."

* * *

Its short. Sorry. It's all I got finished. 


	13. Day 80

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary**: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

**The Tape**

**Day 80**

_Friday_

Emma was sitting at her desk during her Media Immersion class. Her head was down, staring at the keyboard. She let out a sigh and lifted her head up. Some guys were looking over at her. She rolled her eyes and got out of her seat quickly, knocking it over. She grabbed her back pack and walked out of class, her father watching her leave.

She walked down the hallway, biting her lip, trying not to cry. She wrapped her arms around herself and kept walking through the hallways of Degrassi. She bumped in to someone and looked up.

"Sean?" She whispered.

Sean smiled, "Hey, Emma. How are you?"

She cleared her throat and smiled slightly, "I'm good. You?"

He nodded, "Pretty good. Shouldn't you be in class?"

"Yeah, I should. Things just...I wasn't feeling good."

"You ok? You look like you're about to cry." He put his hand on her shoulder.

She shrugged him off, "If you were here yesterday you would know why I look like this."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

Emma sighed, "Someone found a tape of me having sex."

He raised an eyebrow, "Oh wow. Ok. How did that happen?"

"I have to do this video therapy thing. Which is a totally different story. The camera was left running one night when I was over Jay's. I didn't know. Someone stole the tape and showed the entire school."

His jaw dropped, "Did you say Jay?"

She looked away from him, "Err..yeah?"

"You were having sex with Jay? Jay Hogart?"

"He's my boyfriend." She said quietly.

As if on cue, Jay walked towards them, "Emma, your dad called my cell saying you left class."

Emma nodded and looked between Sean and Jay.

Jay smirked, seeing Sean, "Fucking Cameron! What's going on?"

Sean gave him one of them manly hugs, "Not much, I'm back at Degrassi. Emma was just catching me up."

Jay draped his arm over Emma's shoulders, "I think it's going to take a few hours to catch you up."

Sean blinked a few times, "And a while to get use to this. How did this happen?"

* * *

So, I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and was going to add more but I couldn't think of anything. So, I figured I would just post this for now.

Also, I'm cowriting a new story. It's called Panic Prone and it's on my story lists. The first 2 chapters are up.

Thanks for reading and review.

-Skittles


	14. Day 81

**This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.**

**I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.**

**Summary** Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

The Tape

**Day 81**

Saturday

Afraid that another tape would be stolen, Emma debated long and hard about continuing her video therapy sessions. After talking to Jay, she decided she was going to continue.

She set up her camera and sat on her bed. She sighed as she hit record.

"Well, it's been a few days. Reason for that...Someone stole a tape. A tape that had something that wasn't suppose to be on it. A night I stayed over Jay's...The camera was left on. That was the tape that was stolen. Everyone saw it in school and god knows where else. I wasn't going to keep doing this, but Jay persuaded me. He's out right now getting a safe for me to put this all in. I still have no idea who stole it. I don't know who would do something like that." She sighed, shaking her head, "We have a week off of school. Which, I've never been more happier about. I have a week to try to forget about everyone seeing that tape and just spend time with my boyfriend. And my ex. Sean's back. He came back sometime during the week and he was at school yesterday. Jay and I caught him up on everything going on. He looks so different now. Long, curly hair. More muscles than ever. It's a little weird. Sean's not exactly use to seeing Jay and me speaking to each other, let alone kissing each other." She laughed a little, "Jay's happy to have his friend back though."

She stretched a little, "On the eating disorder front...I'm doing ok. Well, I think I am." She chewed on her bottom lip, "I haven't eaten since the video got out. I'm just stressed." She lowered her head, "And I know that's not an excuse. I know I need to eat. It's just...Seeing my body in that way, has made me even more self conscious and I feel horrible about myself. Everyone must have been disgusted by it." She looks back up to the camera, her eyes blood shot from holding back tears, "I'm going to eat. Just right now... Right now I can't."

She hit stop.


End file.
